All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
