Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
