My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
