Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
