White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
