My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
