I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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