Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
