if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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