i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
