Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize