I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
