I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
