You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
