Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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