Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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