I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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