You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
