Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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