You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
