You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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