He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize