You just made me feel so damn special
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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