I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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