turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He felt like a one man threesome
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
