I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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