Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
