i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
