Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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