So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
