Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
