Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
