Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
