I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The best revenge is premature balding
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
