I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
