i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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