Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
operation harelip BJ is a go
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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