I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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