Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
