You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
