Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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