from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
