I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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