well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
