girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's blow job season.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
