how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
