I cannot find my penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
