He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
