see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
