Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
