i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
