you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
