oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
