Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize