I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
