Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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