Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
