I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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