Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
