My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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