i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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