I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she smelled like a LAN party
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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